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Thursday, March 28, 2019

I try not to post the negatives but.....

I was literally talking to my husband about how awesome Brendan has been doing lately. He is maturing and behaving so well. He has definitely had his issues in the past. He has autistic characteristics due to his brain damage and we have worked very hard to help him become the person he is today. Just hours later we got hit with a dose of reality.

Brendan has never liked answering questions. We have worked with him for many years regarding this issue. We feel it is important to answer questions. It creates conversations and helps people learn about each other. It is a very important piece in communication. Brendan only likes to ask the questions. When he first learned to talk he would ONLY ask questions. Every phrase that came out of his mouth was a question. Over the years he has progressed. After he had SDR his speech greatly improved. He can carry on conversations. I never thought the day would come. I love long car rides with him because we talk and at times it seems so normal. He calls me often when he visits his father and we have real conversations. It is drastically different from years ago in an amazingly positive way. If you ask him a question he responds with a question sometimes completely off topic. I won't answer his question (unless I am not paying complete attention) until he answers mine, this has worked fairly well. At times he can be in a mood and he can't always control his behaviors.

I don't let autism be an excuse. I don't let having cerebral palsy be an excuse. I don't let being a 16 year old boy be an excuse. I treat him like I treat all of my children. I hold him responsible for his actions. I am not easy on him and never will be. My job is to help him grow up to become a functioning adult.

Well he decided to test our entire being the other night. Derek had been asking him why his head rest kept becoming loose. He has a head rest on his wheelchair because he is transported in it. Well over the last few weeks it is hanging down and therefore is not in a safe position for transport. Derek has to fix it daily which is annoying. It didn't become loose all weekend so we knew someone had to be doing something at school. We actually have had this issue in the past so we already knew someone was pushing him with it or leaning on it. Brendan wasn't in the mood for a question especially for the 3rd time this week. He obviously knew how it happened but for some unknown reason he didn't want to tell us. It really wasn't a big deal. We just like to keep his equipment in tip top shape. It isn't an easy or quick process to fix his equipment. He decided to go off the deep end. He decided to not control his actions. He decided to try and kick Derek with no success. He then picked up his (overly expensive) smart phone and bite it, breaking not only the screen but the entire display. It is completely broken. Do you want to see mom flip out? Oh yes mom flipped out. Why in the world would he break something he uses daily and loves over a dumb question? We will never know. It is all about control or lack of. I get that he can't get up and walk out of the room. I get that he can't always express what he is feeling. The words don't always flow freely. He can't always explain everything. But I do not get destroying something we spent a lot of money on. I don't get how you can't control your anger. I get mad. I yell but I never ever get physical. I never throw things or break things. No one in this house does. He gets this look in his eyes and he tenses up and he gets a little crazy. He has acted like this from as far back as I can remember. I still remember his dad telling me "I think he is autistic" when he was 2 years old. I was no where near ready to accept that diagnosis but over the years it all makes sense. Does that mean it is okay to act like this. I don't think so.

So we had a long discussion and decided to discuss his punishment the next day so that we could calm down. He lost all electronics for one full week. Luckily we had insurance on the phone so it only costs $100 to fix. (hopefully) He has to earn this money by dong chores and therapy. We created a list of things to do and he has a jar in his room and he has to earn the $100. He has to request to do the things on the list, we will not ask him. Some of them include cleaning his toilet, cleaning his bathroom counter, taking a walk in his walker, riding his bike 2 miles instead of 1, going into a long sit, going on the vibration plate. All of these things have a monetary amount next to them. It will probably take him over a month to earn the $100 so it should be a very good learning experience. Our hopes are that he learns to control the aggression. He controls his temper. Everyone gets mad. Everyone wants to throw things (or in his case bite things) every now and then but we can't always follow through with what we want to do. I hope that he learns a lot from this event. I hope next time he chooses not to over react. Time will tell.


Oh to parent in the year of 2019!

He did still get to go to subway with his Pass worker since he had a great day and accomplished everything he was supposed to.
Apparently he was in a good mood. His Pass worker even treated him to an ice cream sundae after.






2 comments:

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