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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

It has been a while

I haven't been posting because life was difficult for a while. My father passed away from cancer. Cancer came on sudden. He had been struggling with health since he had a heart valve transplant two and a half years ago. I have shed many tears over my father's health. We thought he was going to die many many times over the past few years. He had been in and out of the hospital. He almost didn't survive the surgery. His heart crashed four times during one stay. He got pneumonia. His lungs kept filling up with fluid. He had and a very fancy pacemaker installed that basically shocked his heart when it stopped which did happen. It has been so hard watching him decline. He was only 57 when he had the heart surgery. He became very old over the past few years. Then cancer had to rock our world. He was diagnosed almost six months ago. I had mentioned a family illness in a post once but my dad didn't like to discuss his health publicly. He didn't want the sympathy or for people to feel bad for him. I understand where he comes from. I just operate a little differently.

He fought hodgkins lymphoma at age 20 and almost died. The cancer has been in remission for so long and decided to rear it's ugly head in a new very nasty form. There was no treatment. No hope. He went downhill very quickly. My sister moved her wedding up so he could attend and we are all thankful because he wouldn't have been able to attend one month later. My mom took care of him until he died. He was able to stay in his house. I visited weekly with the kids. It was so hard to watch him die. It was hard to watch him lose his dignity, his strength, everything but his mind. I am thankful for that. We talked for hours and he was able to say his goodbyes months before he passed. He had his ups and downs and we never really knew when he was going to die. He passed away on my Birthday but he was a fighter. The cancer was in most of his body when they found it. His spine, bones, lungs...just everyhwere. He was given a few weeks to a few months. He lasted almost 6. It know it was hard for him to hang on so long but I think we are all thankful we had those last months.

Goodbye dad. You can finally rest in Peace. We buried him yesterday because he was cremated. He is gone forever now. It is very hard to lose a parent and now my sister and I have to take care of my mom which we question!

RIP Dad 12/27/51-9/15/11 He would have turned 60 this year and my parents would have been married for 40 years.


Amy said...

Oh Steph, I am so very sorry for your loss. The loss of parent is so hard, and I can only imagine the grief. I am just so glad that you were able to say goodbyes and spend quality time with him before he passed.

Thinking of you, praying for you!
Hugs and much love,

Sheila said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. The loss of a parent is dreadfully hard especially when you watch them suffer.

Happy belated birthday to you, although it obviously wasn't a very happy day for you.

jenny said...

I am so sorry for your loss stay strong hugs

April said...

I'm terribly sorry about your Dad.