Feeling proud of myself....for once!!

Today I felt proud of myself. Proud that I am starting a business while 6 months pregnant. Proud that we are going through with a plan and a dream. I think it is on our blood. My husband's father owned his own business and they started it when his mom was pregnant with him. My father never like working for people and he owned his own business. I know our family thinks we are bit crazy but it is our life and the chance we are taking. I would rather more support but I am used to it. We will just have to show everyone we weren't crazy or stupid and make it work! It is stressful and exhausting but I have been working as much as I can while the kids are in school. My 4 year old has been great and lets me get a lot done. We have over 1000 items for our store already and we aren't even open yet. We just need the people to come and shop and buy all these things! I really hope it works out but if it does not I will persevere and try something else. It will certainly be interesting with a newborn and three other kids to care for but I think it is right for our family. We love being together and I don't think the kids will mind coming to the store. Maybe in a few years they will be helping us out! We hope this is our family business for years to come and we can expand and possibly have two stores. Go Big is what they say...right?! Well I am off to the Doctor for my #.....I lost count.....injection to keep this baby cooking for as long as possible. Soon enough we can guess an arrival date! I am hoping for July 28th. I know it is a bit early but both girls were born on the 20th and it would be really neat if both boys were born on the 28th! I guess I shouldn't hope to deliver 4 weeks early but I am already getting uncomfortable. I think he will be a big boy. He is crazy at night so I already know I won't be in bed before 11pm when he arrives. I can't wait to meet him, he is so special to me. He is the baby I never thought I would have. His pregnancy has been far from easy. I still get nauseous and I am already almost 25 weeks but that is what boys do to me. I don't react well to their hormones or something. It will all be worth it to hold him in my arms and to think how much he was wanted and how many years it took for him to bless us with his life. 4 kids....wow!!! That is a lot but I love my big family and I am so happy that Brendan has a bunch of siblings that love him for who he is. My stepdaughter said to him... "Brendan you aren't handicap you are handicapable!"....best quote ever.

'He' is still a boy!

I had another ultrasound today to check on growth, the placenta, and the fluid level. Everything looked perfect. He weighs 1lb. 5oz already. He was so cute to watch. He kept his arms near his head and his hands near his little face. I was a little worried he was sucking his thumb but he wasn't. He just had them near his nose and cheeks. He was moving all around and at one point he had his legs above his head. He is an acrobat already! It was a nice morning after my stressful night. I am so happy he seems healthy and happy. It will be strange to have a 'typical' boy. I can't really picture it. The girls keep asking if this baby will be disabled and comment that they don't want two disabled brothers. I understand there concerns and I can't say for sure he will be healthy but we all hope so! I love him already!! I can't wait to meet him.

Sorry been MIA. Left Hip Subluxation & Everything in between...

Sorry I have been MIA. Life has been very hectic being pregnant, just being a mom, and starting up this business. Some days I wear myself out. Some days I feel great and can be very productive and other days I don't feel well due to just being pregnant and can't get as much as I want done. I get frustrated when I can't physically do everything I want to do but I know I need to keep this baby safe so I try and rest. I can do some things from my bed which is nice but then I feel guilty as a mom that my 4 year old watches t.v. and colors while I work on the business. It is fun getting it up and ready but there are days when I am stressed. I am starting to get nervous about actually opening. We have never done this before. This is a totally new experience. My husband is quitting his job and we are going all out to do this and do it right. It is defintely a work in progress but check out Tivertontots.com. I have also started a facebook page, just type in Tivertontots in the search bar. Like my page to spread the word, in this small world you never know who could live just around the corner from our store. Okay on to the serious stuff that I don't feel like talking about. I had one worry free year for my son. After PERCS I could focus on how much he has improved and how beneficial that one surgery was. I was on cloud 9 for once with my son. It wasn't an easy year by far suffering multiple miscarriages and watching my father die from cancer. It was actually a pretty horrible year but at least on top of it all my son was doing okay. This year is a whole knew story. I am brought back to when he was 2 years old and all I received was devestating news from every Dr. he saw. Yesterday we saw a new orthopedic. I can't take Boston trips anymore and I had lost some trust in his Dr. which is never good. The Dr. was great. He was very personable and he drew out Brendan's amazing personality. They were both punks and it was pretty amusing to watch. The Dr. left saying Brendan had one of the best personalities he has ever seen. This made me proud. I want my son to have an amazing personality because that is what will get him somewhere in this world. Anyway, x-rays were of course the major point of this appointment. His hip and spine were taken and I have been dreading seeing the images for days. On a great note his spine showed ZERO signs of scoliosis. I was very relieved to here this because at a previous scan I was told he had a slight curve. Instantly images of a steel rod being surgically placed down his spine filled my worrisome brain. I get to put those images out of my mind for now. Prior to the good news I was shown his hips. His right hip looks amazing. After right hip osteotomy it should but since his hardware was removed I of course worried it could slip out of place with his tone. It didn't, it looked all perfect sitting in his hip socket. His left hip looked a little out of wack but at first he said it looked alright but then he did some measurements on the screen. I have no idea what he was doing but in the end he said it is subluxing and he mentioned the most dreaded word regarding Brendan's hip......SURGERY! I am not exactly sure I am strong enough to go through another hip osteotomy. It was the worst surgery we have been through. It took around 10 hours, he had to have a blood transfusion, I was wake for over 24 hours because he couldn't sleep and kept talking to me the entire night. He was in the hospital for 5 nights, he was in a lot of pain for the first week and kept waking up at night screaming in pain. He was casted from his mid belly to his toes for 6 long weeks. He only weighed 27 lbs then and he now weighs 50. I don't even want to think about this surgery. The months of stress beforehand. The sleepless night before the surgery because I knew he could potentially die during it. The months of recovery. The pain he endured healing. The 2nd surgery to remove hardware that could cause major infection. The tape accidentally left on his leg that ripped his skin dry when they removed the cast. All of these memories creep their way back into my brain and I want to say NO, I don't want him to go through this again. But the other part of me knows I have to do it if they say he needs it. I cry as I think about it, I cry as I type all of this because days like these are why it is so difficult having a disabled child. It can be heartbreaking watching them endure all of these surgeries. I cried if front of 5 people yesterday when he just mentioned we had to watch his hip. I can blame being pregnant but I am almost 100% positive I would have cried even if I wasn't. I have cried many times before hearing news I knew was coming but did not want to hear in his lifetime. So basically we are 'watching' his hip. He will have a repeat x-ray in 6 months of his hips. He has Botox on May 22nd and the Dr. said that may relax it enough that we just 'watch' it for another 6 months. It is a waiting game, one that I want no part in. I think one other thing that has been on my mind the past few days is the loss of a local man who had CP. He was 40 and has run, well by running I mean pushing himself in this wheelchair/bike backwards with his big toe, 52 marathons. He was such an inspiration and I never had the privilege to know about him until he recently passed. He died after choking. He was without oxygen for too long and suffered brain damage. They had to take him off life support and he passed away. This hit home hard for me. You don't want to think our child's life expectancy is effected but this can happen and it does. Brendan chokes all the time but he somehow has this inhumane reflex and gets the food back up and out. I have raced to him before at the dinner table but never have had to give him the heimlich. What if one day he is living on his own and I am not there to help him when he needs it??? I know that is in the distant future but stories like the loss of this amazing person effect me more than I even know. RIP Jason Pisano. I wonder why I have so many grey hairs at 32 years old. I wonder why I can stay thin and eat whatever I want. It is called stress. Oh the loving word. It is just part of having a child with Cerebral Palsy or with any other disability. It just comes with the territory. Thank goodness for his amazing personality and being a punk with the Dr. and making me laugh. Laughter is a stress reliever. I love you buddy but I wish life was easier for the both of us. Sorry for the length I have a lot on my mind. It is a rainy day and I am emotional. Life as a mom to a child with CP in full effect.

Half way there! Opening a business :0

I am 20 weeks (well this past Saturday I turned 20 weeks) and am thankful to be half way there. I am hoping the rest of the pregnancy is uneventful and passes by quickly. I think it will since we seem to be busy all the time. The first 20 weeks flew by and I was sick for most of it so if that can feel quick feeling good should feel even quicker.

Am I ready for a summer baby to be born with 3 kids at home with me??? Not really.... but I have no choice in the matter so I am going to just NOT think about it and just do it. My husband is going to take a week off.... if he is still working where he is. B U T

We are planning to open our own children's consignment store. We have talked about opening our own business together for years. We have thought of a bakery/cafe called Muffin Madness, and a restaurant delivery company called Dine-In Delivery but we have never followed through. This time we don't want to give up on our dream. My husband can't really stand his job, well it isn't so much his job, it is the fact that he is gone for 12+ hours a day and doesn't get much family time. He really enjoys being with us! Isn't that nice?

After we had our 20 week ultrasond and found out we really do have a baby boy growing we continued on having a great day. Life hasn't been so easy lately. My husband is dealing with a lot of 'not so fun' stuff with his x girlfriend, the mother of my stepdaughter. She basically wants full custody so she can take our money, little does she know we don't have any! We have 50% custody and placement right now and have her 50% of the time, sometimes more. I really hope the judge sees right through her! Anyway.....as I was saying

Thursday was a great day. We found out we have do indeed have a boy (I knew it all along!) and then we went to sign paperwork for our grant so we can finish Brendan's addition. Then we drove around and found the PERFECT spot for our store. Well we hope it is perfect. Rent is cheap but we aren't sure if business's always last there but it is worth a shot. It is right in our own town and on the main road. It is store front with big glass windows and the perfect size to start up. Did I mention the rent is just right??? We are going to gamble but it is exciting. A bit crazy being 20 weeks pregnant but hey, this is how we roll. How can we not follow through with this dream? It was a perfect day and somehow we ended up at this location and somehow the lady across the street was the property manager and let us in to see it right on the spot. It feels like destiny.

I have been thinking about opening a consignment store for years and we are used to living on one income right now so it shouldn't be too shocking for my husband to join me on this business adventure. Being all pregnant I need him. He might do a paper route or something at first to help pay the bills while we get started. It is very exciting and feels very real. We are doing lots of research and budgeting and we are in the works on reserving the building. Wish us luck!

It is a healthy Bouncing Baby.................................

B O Y !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are super excited. I knew it all along. :) We can carry on my husbands last name and complete our family. 4 kids 2 boys and 2 girls. Perfection!

14 1/5 hours to go!!! I am a little excited

I have been anxious all day. I had to clean my house to keep my mind occupied. I seriously can not wait to see my little baby. It has been 8 weeks since I have had an ultrasound. I am anxious to know if he/she is healthy and of course if it is a HE or a SHE!!!!! I can't believe it is tomorrow. AHHHHHH

Brendan's has an enlarged aorta. Also known as a dilated aorta. I am doing a little better today about it. I know I really can't worry daily for a whole year to see what next year's echo will tell me. I know they don't do surgery until the hole is a certain size. I know he at the moment his heart is pumping well. I just have to focus on all of that and the new addition in our lives. I can't constantly fear what his future holds. I need to take it day by day like I always try and do.

If you want to know more here is a link: http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-an-enlarged-aorta.htm
I can't keep dwelling on it so I am trying to put it out of my mind until next April. Maybe his angels up in heaven can hear some prayers and heal his heart.

2 More Days!!!

The month has flown by even counting down the days. We finally have our anatomy scan on Thursday and hopefully can find out the gender. I think I might cry if the baby doesn't cooperate. I am a little nervous and hope the baby is healthy. We have been through a lot lately just dealing with life and I need a healthy baby to look forward too.

Brendan saw his cardiologist yesterday. His device that closed his ASD has healed nicely and tissue has grown over it. His heart is pumping nicely. He is only 47 lbs!! This kid needs to grow but on the other hand I don't mind him being so little.
We got some disheartening news about his heart but I don't feel like discussing it right now. I don't want my mom to know with everything we have been through with my dad so we are pretty much keeping it to ourselves. It isn't a 'problem' as of yet but something we have to watch every year and it could become a very big problem and I am scared. :( I am sad and I am worried. I just pray this last baby is healthy because I can't handle much more. I am already tearing up for the 4th time today just thinking about the unkown future for my dear son. I wish I could take away all his pain and all that he has gone through and still has to face. I am so thankful he is oblivious and happy.